Substantive editing sample 74:
Serving your digital needs

Promotional material, such as this sample, is often overly wordy. But that is hardly the only problem here.
Note: The author of this piece was not a native English speaker. She very much appreciated the heavy commentary that explained my thinking behind the many suggested revisions. The highlighted comments elucidated for her many of the subtle peculiarities of American English.

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This sample is presented here with the author’s permission.

Original
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[ Serving your digital needs (original) ]

Markup
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[ Serving your digital needs (markup) ]

Result
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[ Serving your digital needs (result) ]

 

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