Copyediting sample 33:
The victory arch

In this fantasy novel, I used punctuation (a semicolon) to repair an ambiguity: Did “however” modify how the denizens “would decorate such an arch” or how “all of these had been obliterated”? I also suggested a more precise word choice.

Skip this sample and advance to the next one in the series.

This sample is presented here with the two authors’ permission.

Original
Click to go to the markup.

After fifty feet the path led under an archway. Gidran recognized the structure as a victory arch. Ordinarily, the denizens of a castle would decorate such an arch with sculpted reliefs, intricate carvings, and chiseled dedications, however, all of these had been obliterated and the top of the structure was absent of statues of any heroes or depictions of conquest.

Markup
Click to go to the result.

After fifty feet the feet, the path led under an archway. Gidran recognized the structure as a victory arch. Ordinarily, the denizens of a castle would decorate such an arch with sculpted reliefs, intricate carvings, and chiseled dedications, however, all dedications; however, all [the semicolon creates a barrier (without it, “however” is ambiguous about which clause it modifies—the clause before or the clause after)] of these had been obliterated and obliterated, and the top of the structure was absent [“devoid”?] of statues of any heroes or depictions of conquest.

Result
Click to go to the next sample in the series.

After fifty feet, the path led under an archway. Gidran recognized the structure as a victory arch. Ordinarily, the denizens of a castle would decorate such an arch with sculpted reliefs, intricate carvings, and chiseled dedications; however, all of these had been obliterated, and the top of the structure was devoid of statues of any heroes or depictions of conquest.