Copyediting sample 3:
Too many Steves

The author of this mystery novel used the name Steve for five different characters. I suggested that he restrict the name to just one of the characters and I proposed different names for each of the other ones. I also ensured that facts about a character were consistent between this novel and another novel of the author’s where this character appears.

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Original
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Ruby has been a volunteer at the museum since she retired. For over twenty-five years she had been studying the museum’s trove of trinkets, antiques, and collectibles, getting to know it better than anyone, maybe even better than Steve and Ann Jones, the folks who collected all those items in the first place. But she refused to share that knowledge with the people who run the museum. She was afraid they would use the information to create a catalog for an auction house.

Markup
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Ruby has been Ruby had been a volunteer at the museum since she retired. since she’d retired from John Deere. [Insertion of “from John Deere,” OK? You established this on page 50 of your earlier novel.] For over twenty-five years she years, [in that novel, you established that she got her John Deere job in 1964 (perhaps a bit later), so she retired and began volunteering at the library in 1990 (when she was fifty-nine years old)] she had been studying the museum’s trove of trinkets, antiques, and collectibles, getting to know it better than anyone, maybe even better than Steve and Ann Jones than Ernest and Ann Jones, [too many Steves in this book: not only this endowment guy here in chaper 13, whose name I herewith suggest should be Ernest rather than Steve—but also (1) Steve DeSmet, the reporter from the Moline Herald we met in chapter 7; (2) the assumed name of the poseur who sent the Facebook friend request in chapter 20, now consistently Gary Smith rather than Steve Smith; (3) the child molester that Leo Starck killed, now consistently Andrew Wriedt rather than Steve Wriedt; and (4) the adopted father of Jerry Starck né Gabel in chapter 25, now consistently Oscar Starck rather than Steve Starck . . . I suggest we restrict the name Steve to the Moline Herald reporter, and if you dislike any of the names I’ve selected, just tell me what you prefer instead, and I will change every instance in the manuscript to your choice] the folks who collected folks who’d collected all those items in the first place. But she refused to share that knowledge with the people who run the who ran the museum. She was afraid they would use the information to create a catalog for an auction house.

Result
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Ruby had been a volunteer at the museum since she’d retired from John Deere. For over twenty-five years, she had been studying the museum’s trove of trinkets, antiques, and collectibles, getting to know it better than anyone, maybe even better than Ernest and Ann Jones, the folks who’d collected all those items in the first place. But she refused to share that knowledge with the people who ran the museum. She was afraid they would use the information to create a catalog for an auction house.