Substantive editing sample 22:
Quote-unquote for irony

Judicious editorial markup can help an author convey ironic emphasis. It can also help the author convey contrast precisely.

Skip this sample and advance to the next one in the series.

This sample is presented here with the author’s permission.

Original
Click to go to the markup.

“The zoning official in that county got in a bit of trouble.” Her eyebrows rose. “Her office got audited. The official report concluded that she hadn’t appeared completely unbiased in the execution of her duties.” She leaned toward me and lowered her voice. “But one of my sources told me that the official report was a classic example of bureaucratic whitewashing. She’d been using her office to go after opponents of sand mining, sending them letters that something about their property didn’t comply with county zoning ordinances. Pure retaliation.” She leaned back. “She was suspended for a few days, then went back to work.” “Sounds like she got a gentle slap on the hand.” I’d heard enough stories about shady politicians that this one didn’t surprise me. Big cities don’t have a monopoly on corruption. “Barely even that. This is one of the weirder turns in the mining saga: zoning officials have become power brokers, and it’s hard to find a way to hold them accountable.” “She’s still there, I assume, wreaking havoc on her political opponents?” “Nope. Not long after she was ‘disciplined,’” she said, using air quotes for emphasis, “she quit her job with the county and got hired by Norwell Mining. I hear she got a nice raise.” She sat back and crossed her arms. “Damn. At the very least, it looks bad.” “And smells rancid, too.” “Who else might be carrying a grudge?” “Again, how much time do you have?” She smirked. “Honestly, we can’t overlook the truckers union. I’m sympathetic to what’s going on with them, but they’re losing jobs as mining companies switch to railroads to ship sand.”

Markup
Click to go to the result.

“The zoning official in that county got in a got into a bit of trouble.” Her eyebrows rose. “Her office got audited. The official report concluded that she hadn’t appeared completely unbiased in the execution of her duties.” she quote-unquote ‘hadn’t appeared completely unbiased in the execution of her duties.’” [The insertion of “quote-unquote” and the nested single quotation marks ironically emphasizes the whitewashing of the report.] She leaned toward me and lowered her voice. “But one of my sources told me that the official report was a classic example of bureaucratic whitewashing. She’d been using her office to go after opponents of sand mining, sending them letters that something about their property didn’t comply with county zoning ordinances. Pure retaliation.” She leaned back. “She was suspended for a few days, then went back to work.” “Sounds like she got a gentle slap on the hand.” I’d heard enough stories about shady politicians that this one didn’t surprise me. Big cities don’t have a monopoly on corruption. “Barely even that. This is one of the weirder turns in the mining saga: zoning saga: Zoning officials have become power brokers, and it’s hard to find a way to hold them accountable.” “She’s still there, I assume, wreaking havoc on her political opponents?” “Nope. Not long after she was ‘disciplined,’” she said, using air quotes for emphasis, [with “using air quotes for emphasis,” there is no need for her to say “quote-unquote” to convey the irony] “she quit her job with the county and got hired by Norwell Mining. I hear she got a nice raise.” She sat back and crossed her arms. “Damn. At the very least, it looks bad.” “And smells rancid, too.” “Who else might be carrying a grudge?” “Again, how much time do you have?” She smirked. “Honestly, we can’t overlook the truckers union the truckers’ union. I’m sympathetic to what’s going on with them, but they’re losing jobs as mining companies switch to railroads to ship sand.” [The “but” doesn’t make sense in its current position (the second part of the sentence is the reason that Che is sympathetic, not a contrast to her being sympathetic, and “but” implies a contrast). What Che is trying to convey is that the truckers might have a motive for violence, so the “but” needs to move to a new clause, where it will really be a contrast to her sympathy for the truckers. Consider changing “I’m sympathetic to what’s going on with them, but they’re losing jobs as mining companies switch to railroads to ship sand.” to “I’m sympathetic to what’s going on with them—they’re losing jobs as mining companies switch to railroads to ship sand—but that legitimate gripe also means they have a motive to retaliate.”]

Result
Click to go to the next sample in the series.

“The zoning official in that county got into a bit of trouble.” Her eyebrows rose. “Her office got audited. The official report concluded that she quote-unquote ‘hadn’t appeared completely unbiased in the execution of her duties.’” She leaned toward me and lowered her voice. “But one of my sources told me that the official report was a classic example of bureaucratic whitewashing. She’d been using her office to go after opponents of sand mining, sending them letters that something about their property didn’t comply with county zoning ordinances. Pure retaliation.” She leaned back. “She was suspended for a few days, then went back to work.” “Sounds like she got a gentle slap on the hand.” I’d heard enough stories about shady politicians that this one didn’t surprise me. Big cities don’t have a monopoly on corruption. “Barely even that. This is one of the weirder turns in the mining saga: Zoning officials have become power brokers, and it’s hard to find a way to hold them accountable.” “She’s still there, I assume, wreaking havoc on her political opponents?” “Nope. Not long after she was ‘disciplined,’” she said, using air quotes for emphasis, “she quit her job with the county and got hired by Norwell Mining. I hear she got a nice raise.” She sat back and crossed her arms. “Damn. At the very least, it looks bad.” “And smells rancid, too.” “Who else might be carrying a grudge?” “Again, how much time do you have?” She smirked. “Honestly, we can’t overlook the truckers’ union. I’m sympathetic to what’s going on with them—they’re losing jobs as mining companies switch to railroads to ship sand—but that legitimate gripe also means they have a motive to retaliate.”