Copyediting sample 13:
Who drove whom?

An editor needs to keep track of every detail. Here Frank drove Ruby and Jefferson to the restaurant for dinner, but afterward Jefferson is driving Ruby home.

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Original
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Refreshed after the nap and shower, I drove back into Dubuque to meet Ruby and Jefferson for dinner. I took them away from downtown, to an old neighborhood place on the north side that had been serving German food without pretension for decades, the Bavarian Inn. I imagine there was a time that Dubuque had a place like this on nearly every corner, a home-away-from-home for the city’s thousands of German-born citizens. 4 pages later With our plans in hand and our bellies full, we split up for the night. Jefferson took Ruby back to her room. He said he was tired and probably going to stay in for the night, but I’m pretty sure he went to see Lonna; he just didn’t want me giving him shit about it. I thought about dropping into Lonna’s Livery and maybe catching him there, but instead I called Adam and spent the rest of the evening forgetting about canoe accidents, locked exit doors, and Helen Kraft.

Markup
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Refreshed after the nap and shower, I drove back into Dubuque to meet Ruby and Jefferson for dinner. I took them away from downtown, to an old neighborhood place on the north side that had been serving German food without pretension for decades, the Bavarian Inn. I imagine there was a time that Dubuque had a imagine there’d been a time when Dubuque had had a place like this on like that on nearly every corner, a home-away-from-home for a home away from home for the city’s thousands of German-born citizens. 4 pages later With our plans in hand and our bellies full, we split up for the night. Jefferson took Ruby back to her room. He said he was tired full, I drove Ruby and Jefferson back to the Ice Harbor Inn. Ruby went to her room. Jefferson said he was tired [Frank had driven them to the Bavarian Inn in his rental car, and he needs to drive them back] and probably and was probably going to stay in for the night, but I’m pretty night. I was pretty sure he went to he was going to see Lonna; Lonna, though; he just didn’t want me giving him shit about it. [I got rid of the paragraph break here.] I thought about dropping into Lonna’s Livery and maybe catching him there, but instead I called Adam and spent the rest of the evening forgetting about canoe accidents, locked exit doors, and Helen Kraft.

Result
Click to go to the next sample in the series.

Refreshed after the nap and shower, I drove back into Dubuque to meet Ruby and Jefferson for dinner. I took them away from downtown, to an old neighborhood place on the north side that had been serving German food without pretension for decades, the Bavarian Inn. I imagine there’d been a time when Dubuque had had a place like that on nearly every corner, a home away from home for the city’s thousands of German-born citizens. 4 pages later With our plans in hand and our bellies full, I drove Ruby and Jefferson back to the Ice Harbor Inn. Ruby went to her room. Jefferson said he was tired and was probably going to stay in for the night. I was pretty sure he was going to see Lonna, though; he just didn’t want me giving him shit about it. I thought about dropping into Lonna’s Livery and maybe catching him there, but instead I called Adam and spent the rest of the evening forgetting about canoe accidents, locked exit doors, and Helen Kraft.