Substantive editing sample 14:
What next?

Sometimes sentences need to be rearranged (and slightly revised) for better coherence and flow.

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This sample is presented here with the author’s permission.

Original
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“What do you want to do next?” “Good question. We’re going to need to find out more about that Dubuque mayor and his friend, Stan Mueller. I don’t think we’re going to get that done tonight, though. You should use your journalist credentials to set up an interview with somebody. Maybe I can find out some more about Stan.” “I can do that. I have a number for his assistant for the mayor’s assistant, Courtney.”

Markup
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“What do you want to do next?” “Good question. We’re going to need to find out more about that Dubuque mayor and his friend, Stan friend Stan Mueller. [The comma is appropriate only if Stan is the only friend that the mayor has.] I don’t think we’re going to get that done tonight, though. You should use your though. Maybe I can find out some more about that guy Stan tomorrow. And you should use your journalist credentials to set up an interview with somebody. Maybe I can find out some more about Stan.” interview with somebody.” [“I can do that” in the next speech didn’t work with the intervening sentence (about Jefferson maybe finding out more about Stan) coming after Jefferson had suggested that Frank set up an interview.] “I can do that. I have a number for his assistant for the mayor’s assistant, Courtney.”

Result
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“What do you want to do next?” “Good question. We’re going to need to find out more about that Dubuque mayor and his friend Stan Mueller. I don’t think we’re going to get that done tonight, though. Maybe I can find out some more about that guy Stan tomorrow. And you should use your journalist credentials to set up an interview with somebody.” “I can do that. I have a number for the mayor’s assistant, Courtney.”