Copyediting sample 42:
The Scoop nickname

In this memoir, besides routine mechanical style matters (punctuation for the most part) and some awkward phrases and one self-contradiction, I corrected one particular statement of fact: where did Jackson get that nickname? I also suggested consigning an ancillary statement—which was not germane to the topic—to a footnote.

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Original
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In those days in the 1940s and continuing through the early 1970s, Mount Vernon typically voted Republican although both Roosevelt and Truman carried the county and probably Mount Vernon from 1932 until 1952 when not surprisingly Dwight Eisenhower carried the majority. I recall that in those years the only Democrat my dad ever voted for was U.S. Senator Henry “Scoop” Jackson (Scoop had been a newspaper reporter), a moderate and personable Democrat who consistently supported a strong national defense and a moderate center left agenda. Perhaps one reason Dad liked Jackson was of a chance meeting during Scoop’s first campaign in 1940. Scoop was a relatively unknown candidate. Scoop’s no-so-new car blew a tire as he was driving past the dealership to his next campaign. Dad noticed the disabled car outside on the street and walked out to help the driver change the tire. At least, that was how Dad explained his fondness for the Democratic senator from Washington State. From that time forward, they exchanged cordial notes on occasion. Scoop was a candidate for President in 1972 and 1976, and although he among the front runners, he was not selected as the nominee.

Markup
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In those days in the 1940s and continuing through days, on through the early 1970s, [deletion of “in the 1940s” because that decade included Democrats Roosevelt and Truman, which contradicts the assertion that Mount Vernon voted Republican then] Mount Vernon typically voted Republican although Republican, although both Roosevelt and Truman carried the county and probably Mount Vernon from 1932 until 1952 when 1952, when not surprisingly Dwight surprisingly, Dwight Eisenhower carried the majority. I recall that in those years the years, the only Democrat my dad ever voted for was U.S. Senator Henry “Scoop” Jackson (Scoop had been a newspaper reporter), Jackson, [deletion of “(Scoop had been a newspaper reporter)” okay? Wikipedia on “Henry M. Jackson” includes nothing about his ever being a reporter but states that the “Scoop” nickname had been bestowed in his childhood by his sister because he resembled a comic book character of the time] a moderate and personable Democrat who consistently supported a strong national defense and a moderate center left moderate, center-left agenda. Perhaps one reason Dad liked Jackson was of a chance Jackson concerned a chance meeting during Scoop’s first campaign in 1940. Scoop was 1940, when he was a relatively unknown candidate. Scoop’s no-so-new not-so-new car blew a tire as he was driving past the dealership to his next campaign. next campaign appearance. Dad noticed the disabled car outside on the street and walked out to help the driver change the tire. At least, that was how Dad explained his fondness for the Democratic senator from Washington State. From that time forward, they exchanged cordial notes on occasion. Scoop was a candidate for President for president in 1972 and 1976, and although he among he was among the front runners, the front-runners, he was not selected as the nominee. [Consider deleting the foregoing sentence/paragraph; it is irrelevant to your story. (Or, consider making it a footnote at the end of the sentence “I recall that in those years, the only Democrat my dad ever voted for was U.S. Senator Henry “Scoop” Jackson, ” a moderate and personable Democrat who consistently supported a strong national defense and a moderate, center-left agenda.,” which is in the previous paragraph.)]

Result
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In those days, on through the early 1970s, Mount Vernon typically voted Republican, although both Roosevelt and Truman carried the county and probably Mount Vernon from 1932 until 1952, when not surprisingly, Dwight Eisenhower carried the majority. I recall that in those years, the only Democrat my dad ever voted for was U.S. Senator Henry “Scoop” Jackson, a moderate and personable Democrat who consistently supported a strong national defense and a moderate, center-left agenda.1 Perhaps one reason Dad liked Jackson concerned a chance meeting during Scoop’s first campaign in 1940, when he was a relatively unknown candidate. Scoop’s not-so-new car blew a tire as he was driving past the dealership to his next campaign appearance. Dad noticed the disabled car outside on the street and walked out to help the driver change the tire. At least, that was how Dad explained his fondness for the Democratic senator from Washington State. From that time forward, they exchanged cordial notes on occasion. 1. Scoop was a candidate for president in 1972 and 1976, and although he was among the front-runners, he was not selected as the nominee. ↩