Copyediting sample 47:
Friederike

In this memoir, besides routine style issues (punctuation), there are a number of facts that needed correction from a quick lookup on the web.
Note: The late author of this piece was not a native English speaker. The client was a daughter of the author, who wanted the author’s Teutonic way of expressing himself preserved as much as possible.

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Original
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It is hard to describe how happy I was with my little motorbike. Fortunately, I did not know at the time that my happiness would be short lived because six months later the war started and riding a motorbike for pleasure was prohibited. During those six months until September of 1939 I used my motorbike to get to school, and often I took a ride through the Harz Mountains in the afternoon after school. On one of those rides a large convertible, a Maybach, with a distinguished looking couple in it passed me on one of the few straight stretches of the road. Then came some sharp turns where the heavy car had to slow down and I managed to pass them. We repeated this cat-and-mouse game a few times. When we approached Blankenburg they waved to me and turned off into a private road leading to the castle. Then I realized that they were the Duke of Brunswick and his wife.

The Duke and his wife, a daughter of the last German emperor, were pleasant and unpretentious people. For some time one of their sons went to school with my brother Gerald who told us that the prince was a nice boy who got along well with the others in school. The Duke’s daughter Friederike often came for a swim to the public swimming pool. She was a pretty girl, about three years older than I. She then married the crown prince Paul of Greece. Later he became the king of that country and they had to flee when the Italians occupied Greece. A daughter of Paul and Friederike is now the Queen of Spain.

Markup
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It is hard to describe how happy I was with my little motorbike. Fortunately, I did not know at the time that my happiness would be short lived short-lived because six months later the war started and riding a motorbike for pleasure was prohibited. During those six months until September of 1939 I 1939, I used my motorbike to get to school, and often I took a ride through the Harz Mountains in the afternoon after school. On one of those rides a rides, a large convertible, a Maybach, with a distinguished looking distinguished-looking couple in it passed it, passed me on one of the few straight stretches of the road. Then came some sharp turns where the heavy car had to slow down and down, and I managed to pass them. We repeated this cat-and-mouse game a few times. When we approached Blankenburg they Blankenburg, they waved to me and turned off into a private road leading to the castle. Then I realized that they were the Duke of Brunswick and his wife.

The Duke duke [according to most publishing style guidelines, including the Chicago Manual of Style (8.32), titles of nobility form a permanent part of a person’s name and are therefore usually capitalized, as “the Duke of Brunswick” is in the preceding paragraph; however, the generic element in the title is lowercased when used alone as a short form of the name] and his wife, a daughter of the last German emperor, were pleasant and unpretentious people. For some time one of their sons went to school with my brother Gerald who Gerald, who told us that the prince was a nice boy who got along well with the others in school. The Duke’s daughter Friederike often duke’s daughter, Friederike, often came for a swim to the public swimming pool. She was a pretty girl, about three years five years older than I. [the author was born March 22, 1922; Friederike was born April 18, 1917] She then married the crown prince Crown Prince Paul of Greece. Later he became the king of that country and they had to flee when They had to flee when the Italians occupied Greece. They returned after the war, and in 1947 Paul became the King of Greece. [Note the preceding inserted sentence. The Italian occupation was during World War II, before Paul became king.] A daughter of Paul and Friederike is now the Queen Friederike became the Queen of Spain. [She is no longer the Queen of Spain; her husband, the King of Spain, abdicated in 2014.]

Result
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It is hard to describe how happy I was with my little motorbike. Fortunately, I did not know at the time that my happiness would be short-lived because six months later the war started and riding a motorbike for pleasure was prohibited. During those six months until September of 1939, I used my motorbike to get to school, and often I took a ride through the Harz Mountains in the afternoon after school. On one of those rides, a large convertible, a Maybach, with a distinguished-looking couple in it, passed me on one of the few straight stretches of the road. Then came some sharp turns where the heavy car had to slow down, and I managed to pass them. We repeated this cat-and-mouse game a few times. When we approached Blankenburg, they waved to me and turned off into a private road leading to the castle. Then I realized that they were the Duke of Brunswick and his wife.

The duke and his wife, a daughter of the last German emperor, were pleasant and unpretentious people. For some time one of their sons went to school with my brother Gerald, who told us that the prince was a nice boy who got along well with the others in school. The duke’s daughter, Friederike, often came for a swim to the public swimming pool. She was a pretty girl, five years older than I. She then married the Crown Prince Paul of Greece. They had to flee when the Italians occupied Greece. They returned after the war, and in 1947 Paul became the King of Greece. A daughter of Paul and Friederike became the Queen of Spain.

 

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