Substantive editing sample 51:
Visiting the World Trade Center

Besides markup for routine style matters (principally punctuation), I needed to revise a couple of sentences for clarity.
Note: The late author of this piece was not a native English speaker. The client was a daughter of the author, who wanted the author's Teutonic way of expressing himself preserved as much as possible.

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This sample is presented here with the client’s permission.

Original
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Later that year I went for a week to New Jersey to visit Julie Bondarenko. We went together to New York and looked down into the space where the two towers had stood from a room reserved for dependents in a building across the street from the site. I repeated the boat trip around Manhattan which I had taken with my Colombian students in 1955. Later we met with Julie’s son Joe and his wife who live in New York City. The next day we also went to New York, but this time taking a bus. As a Frank Lloyd Wright fan I was eager to visit the Guggenheim Museum. Julie also took me to Princeton and to Philadelphia. After returning from Philadelphia we had dinner with Georgia’s, also a “9/11 widow”. In the following years Julie and Georgia came twice for a short visit to Chicago.

Markup
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Later that year I went for a week to New Jersey to visit Julie Bondarenko. We went together to New York and looked down into the space York, and across the street from the site of the World Trade Center, from a room reserved for dependents of 9/11 victims, we looked down into the space where the two towers had stood from a room reserved for dependents in a building across the street from the site stood. [Reorganization of sentence okay? (For clarity.)] I repeated the boat trip around Manhattan which Manhattan, which I had taken with my Colombian students in 1955. Later we met with Julie’s son Joe and son, Joe, [since Joe is Julie’s only son, his name needs to be set off with commas] and his wife who wife, who live in New York City. The next day we also went to went into New York, but this time taking a bus. As a Frank Lloyd Wright fan I fan, I was eager to visit the Guggenheim Museum. Julie also took me to Princeton and to Philadelphia. After returning from Philadelphia we had dinner with Georgia’s, also a “9/11 widow”. Georgia, also a 9/11 widow. In the following years Julie and Georgia came twice for a short visit to Chicago.

Result
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Later that year I went for a week to New Jersey to visit Julie Bondarenko. We went together to New York, and across the street from the site of the World Trade Center, from a room reserved for dependents of 9/11 victims, we looked down into the space where the two towers had stood. I repeated the boat trip around Manhattan, which I had taken with my Colombian students in 1955. Later we met with Julie’s son, Joe, and his wife, who live in New York City. The next day we also went into New York, but this time taking a bus. As a Frank Lloyd Wright fan, I was eager to visit the Guggenheim Museum. Julie also took me to Princeton and to Philadelphia. After returning from Philadelphia we had dinner with Georgia, also a 9/11 widow. In the following years Julie and Georgia came twice for a short visit to Chicago.

 

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