Copyediting sample 22:
Up to date with updates

While spinning his or her tale, an author can occasionally write something awkward, such as a word that virtually repeats a phrase already stated. By slowly examining each word, even by reading aloud, and editor can catch such awkwardness and suggest a remedy.

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This sample is presented here with the author’s permission.

Original
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“I know you are all anxious to hear about the progress of the investigation.” He spoke softly at first. “Special Agent Cummings from the FBI,” he paused to clear his throat, “will bring us all up to date. Before he starts, I want to pass along a couple of other updates.” His voice got louder, more confident. He pulled a few index cards out of his coat pocket and set them on the podium, then put on a pair of reading glasses. “First, the ferry service will begin tomorrow, not Monday. We heard your concerns and found a way to get it started a day earlier.”

Markup
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“I know you are all anxious to hear about the progress of the investigation.” He spoke softly at first. “Special Agent Cummings from the FBI,” he paused FBI,”—he paused to clear his throat, “will throat—“will bring us all up to date. Before he starts, I want to pass along a couple of other updates.” other items.” [Change okay? “updates,” is awkward after “up to date,” in the mayor’s preceding sentence.] His voice got louder, more confident. He pulled a few index cards out of his coat pocket and set them on the podium, then put on a pair of reading glasses. “First, the ferry service will begin tomorrow, not Monday. We heard your concerns and found a way to get it started a day earlier.”

Result
Click to go to the next sample in the series.

“I know you are all anxious to hear about the progress of the investigation.” He spoke softly at first. “Special Agent Cummings from the FBI,”—he paused to clear his throat—“will bring us all up to date. Before he starts, I want to pass along a couple of other items.” His voice got louder, more confident. He pulled a few index cards out of his coat pocket and set them on the podium, then put on a pair of reading glasses. “First, the ferry service will begin tomorrow, not Monday. We heard your concerns and found a way to get it started a day earlier.”