Copyediting sample 15:
Hi from her

In this mystery novel, the author introduced confusion about who would be saying hi to whom.

Skip this sample and advance to the next one in the series.

This sample is presented here with the author’s permission.

Original
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The bar was busy, but I didn’t see Adam anywhere. Lonna walked down and said hi, and asked where Jefferson had been hiding out. She hadn’t seen him in a while and missed him. I told her I’d say hi for him. She got busy refilling drinks and chatting with regulars, so I finished my beer and went back to the Clear Lake Inn.

Markup
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The bar was busy, but I didn’t see Adam anywhere. Lonna walked down and said down, said hi, and asked where Jefferson had been hiding out. She hadn’t seen him in a while and missed him. I told her I’d say hi for him. hi from her. [Right? “for him” implies that Jefferson asked Frank to say “hi,” but this is really Lonna’s “hi” that Frank would be passing on to Jefferson.] She got busy refilling drinks and chatting with regulars, so I finished my beer and went back to the Clear Lake Inn.

Result
Click to go to the next sample in the series.

The bar was busy, but I didn’t see Adam anywhere. Lonna walked down, said hi, and asked where Jefferson had been hiding out. She hadn’t seen him in a while and missed him. I told her I’d say hi from her. She got busy refilling drinks and chatting with regulars, so I finished my beer and went back to the Clear Lake Inn.