Copyediting sample 64:
Exposition

A copyeditor needs not only to watch for grammatical and punctuation problems but also to be ever alert to apparent contradictions. In the exposition of this screen play, a character is introduced in a way that is contradicted many pages later.

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This sample is presented here with the author’s permission.

Original
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FADE IN: EXT. 'RECORD SHACK' MUSIC STORE--1966 LATE SUMMER AFTERNOON STEVE KAYNE, a long haired fifteen year old, wearing cut-offs and a white tee shirt, filled with the energy of a jet rocket. RUSHES out of the store with an album under his arm. Hopping on a banana seat bike, he FURIOUSLY PEDALS away past: The Belmont Car Wash. A wet shiny 66 Chevy Impala is being towel dried by teenagers who wave at Steve. Luigi's Barber Shop. Inside, Luigi is finishing up a Beatle style cut on a young man. While the customer admires the cut in the mirror, Tony and the older patrons laugh. NARARATOR We were just kids back then. Just awkward kids trying to fit into a world that was exploding with new ideas, styles and new music. SHOT: A hand strumming an electric guitar NARARATOR (CONT'D) And almost every guy back then knew that the easiest way to impress a girl was to make varsity or play in a band. SHOT: A drum pedal hitting the padded center of a bass drum. NARARATOR (CONT'D) We were covering the bases by trying to do both. SHOT: Steve pedals down a suburban street and flies up a driveway to a two bay garage. NARARATOR (CONT'D) Now, the theory of playing music back then was that if you couldn't be good, then at least be loud. And if you couldn't be loud or good, then at least let your hair grow and you'd look cool enough when you played. So far we had the long hair thing down. SHOT: hand on volume control on guitar amp. NARARATOR (CONT'D) Tanke, John and I called ourselves "The Bunch" and we were going to be bigger then the Beatles...or at least the Dave Clark Five.

2. INT: TWO BAY GARAGE - DOORS OPEN - AFTERNOON Two long haired teenage Boys, RICHIE TANKE, short, medium build, black framed glasses, and JOHN SCOTT JR., tall lanky, blond, strum cheap electric guitars along with the rock recording "GLORIA", which is loudly playing on a record player. Steve rushes in and grabs the playing record off the turntable. SOUND: LOUD SCRATCH STEVE I got it! John puts his guitar down and makes a grab for the album. JOHN Great! Steve holds the album aloft. STEVE I went to Goody's and they were sold out. Then I--   RICHIE I told you to try Record Shack first. Put it on. PUT IT ON!   STEVE Ok! Tanke. Hold your fucken horses. In seconds, Steve tears through the plastic film and removes the album. John grabs the cover. STEVE (CONT'D) Give me a minute. Will ya? While John intently inspects the album cover back, Steve places the record on the turntable. RICHIE Let me see the album. I--   JOHN Wait a sec...THIRD CUT!   STEVE I know. I know. There! MUSIC: "Last Train to Clarksville" by the Monkees The boys surround the phonograph and listen to the song with rapt attention.

48. INT. THE SCOTT'S KITCHEN -- EVENING BARRY SCOTT, tall, short red hair, 40's wears a gas company blue shirt with his name over pocket. Both he and his wife DEBBIE SCOTT, 35, very thin with curly blond hair are carrying bags of groceries into the kitchen when John enters carrying his guitar case. BARRY You still playing in that band?   JOHN Uh huh.   BARRY That's got to stop. You can't be fooling around with--   JOHN I like playing music.   BARRY I don't care what you like. You're not wasting your time with those two losers.   DEBBIE The boys aren't hurting anybody. Why can't--   BARRY You'll talk when I say you can.   JOHN But Dad--   BARRY Don't Dad me. Spend that time studying and getting into a good college. Don't fuck up. You hear me?   JOHN Yes Sir.   BARRY Now, help your mother put this stuff away.

Markup
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FADE IN: EXT. 'RECORD SHACK' "RECORD SHACK" MUSIC STORE--1966 STORE -- 1966 LATE SUMMER AFTERNOON STEVE KAYNE, a long haired fifteen year old, long-haired fifteen-year-old, wearing cut-offs and a white tee shirt, T-shirt, filled with the energy of a jet rocket. RUSHES out of the store with an album under his arm. Hopping on a banana seat bike, onto a banana-seat bike, he FURIOUSLY PEDALS away past: The Belmont Car Wash. A wet shiny 66 Chevy A wet, shiny '66 Chevy Impala is being towel dried towel-dried by teenagers who teenagers, who wave at Steve. Luigi's Barber Shop. Inside, Luigi is finishing up a Beatle style Beatles-style cut on a young man. While the customer admires the cut in the mirror, Tony and the older patrons laugh. NARARATOR NARRATOR We were just kids back then. Just awkward kids trying to fit into a world that was exploding with new ideas, styles and new music. new ideas, new styles, and new music. SHOT: A hand strumming an electric guitar guitar. NARARATOR NARRATOR (CONT'D) And almost every guy back then knew that the easiest way to impress a girl was to make varsity or play in a band. was either to make varsity or to play in a band. SHOT: A drum pedal hitting the padded center of a bass drum. NARARATOR NARRATOR (CONT'D) We were covering the bases by trying to do both. SHOT: Steve pedals down a suburban street and flies up a driveway to a two bay garage. two-bay garage. NARARATOR NARRATOR (CONT'D) Now, the theory of playing music back then was that if you couldn't be good, then at least be loud. And if you couldn't be loud or good, then at least let your hair grow and you'd look cool enough when you played. So far we had the long hair thing down. SHOT: hand on volume control on guitar amp. SHOT: Hand on the volume control on a guitar amp. NARARATOR NARRATOR (CONT'D) Tanke, John and I Tanke, John, and I called ourselves "The Bunch" and Bunch," and we were going to be bigger then than the Beatles...or at least the Dave Clark Five. at least bigger than the Dave Clark Five.

2. INT: TWO BAY GARAGE - DOORS OPEN - AFTERNOON INT: TWO-BAY GARAGE, DOORS OPEN -- AFTERNOON Two long haired teenage Boys, long-haired teenage boys, RICHIE TANKE, short, medium build, [Doesn't "short" contradict "medium build"?] black framed glasses, black-framed glasses, and JOHN SCOTT JR., JOHN SCOTT, JR., [The "JR." means that his father would need to be JOHN SCOTT, SR., but on page 48 we are introduced to him as BARRY SCOTT] tall lanky, blond, tall, lanky, and blond, strum cheap electric guitars along with the rock recording "GLORIA", which "GLORIA," which is loudly playing on a record player. Steve rushes in and grabs the playing record off the turntable. SOUND: LOUD SCRATCH STEVE I got it! John puts his guitar down and makes a grab for the album. JOHN Great! Steve holds the album aloft. STEVE I went to Goody's and they were sold out. Then I--   RICHIE I told you to try Record Shack first. Put it on. PUT IT ON!   STEVE Ok! Tanke. OK, Tanke! Hold your fucken fuckin' horses. In seconds, Steve tears through the plastic film and removes the album. John grabs the cover. STEVE (CONT'D) Give me a minute. Will minute, will ya? While John intently inspects the album cover back, Steve places the record on the turntable. RICHIE Let me see the album. I--   JOHN Wait a sec...THIRD CUT!   STEVE I know. I know. There! MUSIC: "Last Train to Clarksville" by the Monkees The boys surround the phonograph and listen to the song with rapt attention.

48. INT. THE SCOTT'S SCOTTS' KITCHEN -- EVENING BARRY SCOTT, [On page 2 we were introduced to Barry's son, JOHN SCOTT, JR. You either need to drop the JR. there or change Barry's name to JOHN SCOTT, SR.] tall, short red hair, 40's wears in his forties, wears a gas company blue shirt with his name over pocket. over the pocket. Both he and his wife DEBBIE his wife, DEBBIE SCOTT, 35, very thin with curly blond hair are hair, are carrying bags of groceries into the kitchen when John enters carrying enters, carrying his guitar case. BARRY You still playing in that band?   JOHN Uh huh.   BARRY That's got to stop. You can't be fooling around with--   JOHN I like playing music.   BARRY I don't care what you like. You're not wasting your time with those two losers.   DEBBIE The boys aren't hurting anybody. Why can't-- Why can't--?   BARRY You'll talk when I say you can.   JOHN But Dad-- But, Dad--   BARRY Don't Dad me. Don't "Dad" me. Spend that time studying and getting into a good college. Don't fuck up. You hear me?   JOHN Yes Sir. Yes, sir.   BARRY Now, help your mother put this stuff away.

Result
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FADE IN: EXT. "RECORD SHACK" MUSIC STORE -- 1966 LATE SUMMER AFTERNOON STEVE KAYNE, a long-haired fifteen-year-old, wearing cut-offs and a white T-shirt, filled with the energy of a jet rocket. RUSHES out of the store with an album under his arm. Hopping onto a banana-seat bike, he FURIOUSLY PEDALS away past: The Belmont Car Wash. A wet, shiny '66 Chevy Impala is being towel-dried by teenagers, who wave at Steve. Luigi's Barber Shop. Inside, Luigi is finishing up a Beatles-style cut on a young man. While the customer admires the cut in the mirror, Tony and the older patrons laugh. NARRATOR We were just kids back then. Just awkward kids trying to fit into a world that was exploding with new ideas, new styles, and new music. SHOT: A hand strumming an electric guitar. NARRATOR (CONT'D) And almost every guy back then knew that the easiest way to impress a girl was either to make varsity or to play in a band. SHOT: A drum pedal hitting the padded center of a bass drum. NARRATOR (CONT'D) We were covering the bases by trying to do both. SHOT: Steve pedals down a suburban street and flies up a driveway to a two-bay garage. NARRATOR (CONT'D) Now, the theory of playing music back then was that if you couldn't be good, then at least be loud. And if you couldn't be loud or good, then at least let your hair grow and you'd look cool enough when you played. So far we had the long hair thing down. SHOT: Hand on the volume control on a guitar amp. NARRATOR (CONT'D) Tanke, John, and I called ourselves "The Bunch," and we were going to be bigger than the Beatles...or at least bigger than the Dave Clark Five.

2. INT: TWO-BAY GARAGE, DOORS OPEN -- AFTERNOON Two long-haired teenage boys, RICHIE TANKE, short, black-framed glasses, and JOHN SCOTT, tall, lanky, and blond, strum cheap electric guitars along with the rock recording "GLORIA," which is loudly playing on a record player. Steve rushes in and grabs the playing record off the turntable. SOUND: LOUD SCRATCH STEVE I got it! John puts his guitar down and makes a grab for the album. JOHN Great! Steve holds the album aloft. STEVE I went to Goody's and they were sold out. Then I--   RICHIE I told you to try Record Shack first. Put it on. PUT IT ON!   STEVE OK, Tanke! Hold your fuckin' horses. In seconds, Steve tears through the plastic film and removes the album. John grabs the cover. STEVE (CONT'D) Give me a minute, will ya? While John intently inspects the album cover back, Steve places the record on the turntable. RICHIE Let me see the album. I--   JOHN Wait a sec...THIRD CUT!   STEVE I know. I know. There! MUSIC: "Last Train to Clarksville" by the Monkees The boys surround the phonograph and listen to the song with rapt attention.

48. INT. THE SCOTTS' KITCHEN -- EVENING BARRY SCOTT, tall, short red hair, in his forties, wears a gas company blue shirt with his name over the pocket. Both he and his wife, DEBBIE SCOTT, 35, very thin with curly blond hair, are carrying bags of groceries into the kitchen when John enters, carrying his guitar case. BARRY You still playing in that band?   JOHN Uh huh.   BARRY That's got to stop. You can't be fooling around with--   JOHN I like playing music.   BARRY I don't care what you like. You're not wasting your time with those two losers.   DEBBIE The boys aren't hurting anybody. Why can't--?   BARRY You'll talk when I say you can.   JOHN But, Dad--   BARRY Don't "Dad" me. Spend that time studying and getting into a good college. Don't fuck up. You hear me?   JOHN Yes, sir.   BARRY Now, help your mother put this stuff away.